Anxiety

Songs: Snow White Queen and Tourniquet by Evanescence

Anxiety is a cruel thing. Once you think you have it under control it attacks fiercer and harder than ever before. It drives you crazy; you think you’ve gone mad. I hate it with a passion! Why won’t it leave you alone? Why must it strike you down again? Why must it separate you from the world, from God? You feel like you would die from the pain and sometimes it seems like a relief. But you fear that relief. Anxiety makes no sense! You fear everything, things you never would have feared terrify you. Nothing makes sense anymore and you trust nothing, you do not trust yourself. Anxiety is a terrible, terrible thing. When will I be cured?

Real

The mind plays tricks on you.

The mind is a powerful thing. You think you remember something but then you don't. Something seems real but isn't. You see things but yet you don't. You feel things but then again you don't. You start to wonder if you aren't real yourself. How do you know if you're real? Real. Its a term used many ways. Real: actually existing as a thing or occurring in fact; not imagined or supposed.

I have often heard people say about others, "They're real." What makes them real? Are we real, really? That depends on you. Are you real?

These thoughts are half finished. These queries are merely unanswered questions. You may think I am crazy. Am I? Am I really crazy? Maybe. Really maybe.

I have not updated this blog in a long time have I?

Well usually its because I just don't have anything to say. I don't really have anything else to say except that I miss the 90's.

Right. Just wanted to make sure you all did not forget I was here or that I had forgotten my blog. I have not. I hope you have not forgotten me.

Goodbye!

(I apologize for the clipped formal tone that I usually do not have, but that's the mood I'm in right now. Sorry)

Blessed Hour of Prayer

I will never ever doubt the power of prayer.
This past week I have been in lethal danger of failing Physics. If I had failed I would have been barred from Theatre, BPA State, UIL Lit-Crit, Winter Guard Crew, UIL Band, and FFA. My school life would be over.
But I prayed constantly that I would pass even with a 70 and - God be praised!- I did!!!! I will be going to my competitions and I will never let my grades slip again. I've learned that if you put your faith in God and pray without ceasing God will help you and grant your wish. But you have to trust Him and sometimes that's the hardest thing to do, to put your trust and hope and faith in someone, especially someone you can't see. But Paul said in the Bible "we live by faith not by sight" Just because we cannot see God does not mean we do not have faith in Him. It is very hard sometimes and we mortals will stumble but we must try and beg the wisdom to be wise from God so we may be good Christians and live faithfully. Jamie Sullivan from A Walk to Remember movie says about God and faith, "Its like the wind I can't feel it but i know its there..." God gives signs everywhere that He is here with us and always with us.

On A Lighter Note:
I will always always love The Addams Family. They are amazing! I want to live with them. I want Morticia's dress and Wedsnday's attitude. Wednsday is my favortie character. Then there is Grandma. She is hillarious! And Gomez and Pugsley and Fester and Lurch!!!! Cosuin It...they are just amazing gothic and great!

Ciao!

Emilie's Rules for Living Life, Based on Personal Experience

1. Trust in God. He will never leave nor forsake you even when everyone else does.

2. Do not fear the dark, fear what is in the dark.

3. Hot glue is really hot!

4. Forget diamonds, coffee is a girl's best friend.

5. Crying is a rare release.

6. Look at a person and try to *see* them. Find the beauty because its in everybody and everything. Look a person in the eyes to see in to their heart in soul before you judge. Sometimes you must look hard and more than once because some people are good at hiding.

7. Satan is not your friend he is your undertaker

8. Death cannot hold love. Christ proved that.

9. God is love therefore love never fails.

10. Loving someone gives them the power to break you.

11. The more you love someone the less logical everything becomes especially when it comes to that someone.

12. Just because someone smiles doe snot mean they are happy.

13. Love everyone because a.) God said to do it and b.) you never know what your love can do to/for them.

14. Mortal eyes are blind.

15. You don't know everything.

16. You are your own worst enemy.

17. Optimism is NOT fantasy living, perpetual kindness and love is not weak, and ignorance is NOT stupidity.

18. Do not criticize,torment, scoff at, or pass off someone for their interest in music, movies, books,art, etc. because you do not have their mind you cannot tell them what is good or not because tastes are separate. Just because you don't like that particular brand, music, whatever does not mean they can't or should feel bad for it. Your particular opinion does not mean they suck.

19. God is alive, Jesus died and rose again, He saved you. Christians win. End of story.

20. Some wounds never heal and scars bring phantom pain.

21. Do not forget those who love you most.

22. No matter what you do to someone if they love you they will stay with you even when everyone else leaves.

23. Make new friends but keep the old. Those are silver these are gold.

24. Yes people are strange but that does not mean that they are bad or something is necisareily wrong with them.

25. Live by faith not by sight.

26. Counseling/Therapy is not shameful. Its a relief. Do not chastise those who seek it. They are trying to get better.

27. Do not make fun of those who are depressed, have anxiety, cut, or have eating disorders. You do not know their pain. Do not judge them help them! One day you might be in their shoes.

28. Sometimes it hurts to do the right thing. It can hurt you and those you love sometimes. But it needs to be done.

29. Sometimes its the innocent who suffer the most.

30. Stand by your friends in their struggles despite the situation. No matter what it is help them through it. Leaving them could kill them. They need you more then ever.

31. Prayer helps. Talk to God he does answer in His way. Mortals can be so senseless.

32. Pain is a crushing, draining, dark, sometimes addictive thing. Fight it!

33. God has it in His hands. He loves you. Do not leave Him. He is waiting for you.

34. Hold on to your innocence, guard your heart, and do not give yourself lightly to anyone or anything.

35. Church is the best therapy

Song: My Immortal by Evanescence

You know, emotions are funny. Especially in females.

This morning for example I was angry but the minute someone started me laughing I felt better and was happy throughout the rest of the day. Then for theatre practice tonight I needed to be sad for my role. So I listened to music that usually makes me sad and cry. But it didn't work because I was happy and a little ditsy. Then after theatre I started to slip into semi daze of happy and a numb phantom tug of sorrow. O sweet sorrow. Stupid really. It's all relatively stupid at least from the outside looking in. But who are we to say someone is stupid for their emotions? Its their emotions, their pain and sorrow, they must have a reason for feeling the way they do. People don't see people anymore. No one stops to really take someone in. People may look at me from first glance and mark me as a crazy weird child. They look but they don't see.If someone were to really see me they would see a good girl. One who is sweet, funny,a little silly, a little crazy, diffrent, intutive, Christian, caring, deep, a little sad sometimes but a good person. So I ask you not what do you see but who do you see?

All that is gold doe snot glitter, Not all who wander are lost.
The old that is strong does not wither, Deep roots are not reached by the frost

Coffee and YouTube

So I'm here at the Coffee Shop with my friends Mary, Jessica, Lorena, Courtney, and Ye-Won, and my coffee mug and listening to a great band Nightwish. Yay more caffeine! Right now my chicks are kickboxing, listening to tunes, talking in giggles and gibberish and the owner Joe just broke a lamp. So yeah its all good. This is great! BLOGGING IS SO MUCH FUN ESPECIALLY WHEN YOU HAVE GOOD MUSIC!

New Song: Harder to Breathe by Maroon 5
Its funny when I'm jamming to music and typing my fingers do a little dance across the keyboard and they follow the tempo to the music almost like the computer is a piano haha! Its weird but I guess it comes with being a band geek.

I'm melancholy. Yes. My mood can be influenced by the book I read, the movie I watch, or the music I listen to. Especially the music! I love music. My music taste is very eclectic because the music I listen to reflects the mood I'm in for instance:

Angry: Linkin Park/ Phantom of the Opera Overture
Happy: The Hamster Dance
Sad: Evanescence
Bad/Powerful: Bon Jovi/ Maroon 5

See! I'm a music girl!

New Song: Ready to Run by Dixie Chicks...hahaha God bless Youtube and Texas!

Man I strongly believe that the 90s was the BEST decade!The late 80s and the 90s! The 90s had the best music, tv shows, and movies! Yes movies! Like Interview with the Vampire, 10 Things I Hate About You, Pretty Woman, Father of the Bride, Braveheart, Dances with Wolves, and the majority of the Disney Classics like Aladdin, Pocahontas, Beauty and the Beast. For animation and live action they had the best cinematography, storyline, action etc. Early 2000s were okay like the Lord of the Rings Trilogy(woot!) and the Alamo but soon after the quality of movies seemed to decline. The Other Boylen Girl and the Dark Knight movies of the past year were so was AMAZING! A nice little spark of imagination and overall wowness.
Sometimes I wonder if the movie makers get so caught up in the new techy stuff they forget about making the movie round about good.

New Song: It's My Life by Bon Jovi

We are now playing Scruples: the game invented to ask awkward questions to make you blush and get rid of your cards kind of like BS!

Its time for me to bow out. But fear not my dear dear friends I shall soon return. I do no know when, in what form, or fashion but I shall return!

Parting is such sweet sorrow so I shall say good night until it be morrow!

A thousand times good night!

Hey Look! I Made A Blog!

So after my dear sister and new brother-in-law's urging I have created a blog. Huzzah!

Now I wonder how this will turn out...I guess it'll work as an online diary of some sorts, a place to put short stories and poetry, or just to wow the world with my constant ever burning spark of insanity! Huzzah!

What am I doing now?
I am watching Disney's Mulan and will soon be going to the coffee house with Mary. I love coffee..I've had four cups today. Can you say buzz/crash? I can! Buzz! Crash!

Man the score for Mulan is amazing! I would love to get the soundtrack for just the score because it rocks! My bro-in-legality Jace lives and works in China. Jace! You are so lucky you lucky-mcLuck-luck-luckster! So is your blushing bride...my sister Bekah!

I love Eddie Murphy! He was awesome as Mushu---so funny! He is the perfect little red lizard-dragon!

I love China/Japan! Hey I just love Asia! yay! ANIME!!!!!!!!...but that's just Japan...*shrug* I LOVE IT ANYWAY!!!!

Anyway I will go away now. Bye!